About Me

This blog is about how I intend to get out of the sedentary life I have been forced into because of sickness and other factors in my life.
Since 2012 I have been bed bound sick with a number of different things mostly related to an auto-immune disorder and had recently found out that some of my problems were due to severe food intolerance GLUTEN to be precise.
This immunity problem caused me to lose my hearing and affects my balance and quality of life because of regular infections and chronic pain; though I am not totally out of the woods yet, I am still undergoing investigations for other problems, especially a problem with my spleen and neurological system.
Previously, I had been very athletic and lead a very active lifestyle where I would walk on average six miles per day for pleasure and up to twelve miles per day when I included walking to town and supermarkets etc. I used to swim three hours a week and was once asked to go into the two hundred metres race, I was also very keen on judo and wrestling and two weeks before my mastoid operation in 1998 I was entered for the Commonwealth trials for judo, but I had to cancel due to the emergency surgery, the trials were a month after surgery and I didn’t heal from the surgery for nearly 18 months, because I couldn’t bend over without falling afterwards.
I have often became so sick in the last five years that I have spent a lot of time in bed and isolated due to pain and weakness and persistent infection. It has been very hard on me since I gave birth to my son in 2010, because from the time he was nearly three years old I could do nothing with him and relied solely on my fiancé to help around the house and to care for him.
Contrary to what people might think of obese people, not all of us eat over 2000 calories a day and willingly sit on our bums all day and nor do we all eat junk. I for example, I eat an average of 1300 to 1700 calories per day but I cannot move around the house much, let alone do exercise to burn it off, so the weight piles on every special occasion where I do gorge, Christmas, Birthdays, Easter, I could gain four to eight pounds during each special occasion without hope of losing it again.
I eat a lot of fruit and vegetables, fish and white meat, I drink lots of water and lemon with honey sometimes twice a day and yet still I remain big.
In January I decided enough was enough, doctors are not taking me very seriously and so I started to wonder if my problems had something to do with bread and pasta, so I did some research and found that a lot of my problems were to do with gluten intolerance. I went on a diet where I avoided gluten for 6 weeks, it worked a treat in that I could have more good days than bad days and I wasn’t stuck in bed as much! I could breathe easily, I was able to get out of the house at least once a week for half a day without suffering as much as normal and for three to six hours a week I can clean the house. My blood pressure fell into the normal range and I didn’t need Ramipril anymore!
I went back onto gluten because the doctor required me to have a blood test to see if I had coeliac disease, for six weeks I went back onto gluten, everything came back again, I was in bed again for the whole duration and I had two infections and my blood pressure fell into the danger zone, practically within three days of going back on the stuff. My breathing became bad again, I needed to use the inhaler three times a day again, I had pounding headaches borderline migraines the whole time and my hearing dropped a lot.
I have been back on gluten free for six week again, but this time it is taking longer to see the effects – in fact I haven’t felt as much improvement as I did the first time, but at least I can still clean the house about six hours a week. For me though, this isn’t good enough!
I am embarrassed by the state of my body, I am embarrassed at the state of my home because I am sick and in my opinion, useless! I tried to spruce myself up last week, shave everything that needed shaving, got myself a new hairstyle and this only took 90 minutes but it was a strain to be active the whole time. I sat on my bed, close to tears, everything hurt. Just 90 minutes of activity and I am knackered, there is something seriously wrong with this picture… for goodness sake I am thirty four with a seven year old child!
I never intended to raise an only child, this sickness got in the way of that too. I had always planned on having a minimum of four children, so none of them grow up lonely and they will all have someone in their life to turn to when things get tough for them.
I want my family to grow; I want to be active again, I want the pain to stop, I want cheap clothes that those skinny women have abundance of!
I have tried not to be suicidal, it has been tough. I had been very suicidal about two years ago, but I decided that whilst in bed, rather than just stare out of the bedroom window all day crying every time I saw a mother playing with her children on the green across the street, I’d make the time in bed constructive. So I began to read. I read self-help books; I read positivity training books, books on cosmic ordering, books on how to think differently, positively, get yourself motivated and all of that. It helped tremendously.
I discovered a way of thinking that helps a lot, I no longer think; I can’t do something because I am sick. I now think that I have to do something because this life is not conducive to my happiness or what I want.
It is not conducive to make do with what has been given to me in regards to my state of health. It is not conducive for me to be poor because I have to go onto sickness benefits. It is not conducive for me to waste away in the bedroom all day.
I decided that an old Christian saying is very true. “The devil makes work for idle hands”.
I decided three days before I made this blog that I am living life differently. I am going to try and push through all the pain and misery, I am going to force myself to get active, if it kills me, it kills me, at least I didn’t just lay back and surrender like I nearly did.
So this is why this blog now exists.
My goals are to lose weight, get fit and healthy and get off the sickness benefit. This is my five year plan.
I am currently 19 stone and 8 pounds, I want to be 12 stone, I don’t want to be too skinny, I want curves and I do have them in the right places under all of this flab as I used to be an excellent perfect, hubba hubba hourglass shape, some people used to say I was like a brunette Jessica Rabbit once. Well let’s see if I can get old Jess back out and in action again shall we?
This blog will hopefully show how I will eventually come away from a life of sickness to a life of health and well-being… well, fingers crossed anyway.